I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that the World Championship of Snooker are currently underway in England.

What’s that? You’re not up on the latest goings on in the world of snooker? In fact, you’re only marginally aware of what snooker is? Or that there’s a World Championship of it that ends this week?

OK, well, Chris and I were in that same boat, actually, before we went to Barcelona.  However, after spending part of a week watching several snooker matches in the evening on my favorite TV sports channel, Eurosport, I now feel prepared to give you the rundown on snooker.

The Eurosport coverage that they broadcast in Barcelona was the feed from the BBC (or some other British channel), so all the commentators spoke in hushed, British accents, talking about “potting” the balls, debating whether or not a player was likely to execute a skillful “safety” and chatting about how many centuries so-and-so was likely to get this season. The competitors — all men as far as we could tell — were rather nattily attired in vests, although some of those vests did have advertising logos on them (just like a golf shirt, I suppose).

Anyway, it was more interesting than you might think to watch this game, at least with the British commentary. (Back here in Tübingen, we happened upon TV coverage of the World Championship, also on Eurosport, but with German commentary, which doesn’t compare to the British take on it). Prior to our accidental encounter with snooker in Barcelona, neither Chris nor I had had any knowledge of the game. So, we spent much of an hour or so each evening in Barcelona making guesses as to the rules and the meanings of the arcane terms that were being bandied about by the commentators.

And the rules were initially a complex puzzle.  As far as we could tell,  the players always seemed to hit one of the many red balls into a pocket first, followed by hitting a different colored ball in a pocket after that. Getting a colored ball into a pocket  seemed to score points for the player, but, incredibly, after that, a person in a tux and white gloves often appeared to take the colored ball out of the pocket and place it back on the table. We also couldn’t follow the scoring: the announced score often different from the score at the bottom of the screen.

Is this what it’s like for a Brit tuning in to watch TV coverage of their first U.S. baseball game, if they have had no previous information about how the game is played? I wonder.

Anyway, after arriving back in Germany, we finally got the low-down on snooker, thanks to Wikipedia.  While it’s not a commonly played game in the U.S., snooker has a large following in Britain, and it has recently been gaining in popularity in China.  It is played professionally by men (and, apparently, only by men) under 40 or so.

Some main points to keep in mind: a single referee has the final word on the score and the winner, but they don’t get to sit back and watch the action. They are integral to the action, in fact, since it’s the referee, who can be male or female, who is the one in the tux and gloves putting those balls back into play on the table.

The idea of the game – such as I understand it – is that the red balls all have to be cleared first — or  “potted”, to use the vernacular — before the referee will leave those other color balls alone after they are potted. Before that, you have to alternate potting each of the red balls with a different color ball, with the non-red balls returned to the table each time.  This turns a snooker player into a modern-day Sisyphus:  the more he gets the balls into the pockets, the more the white-gloved hands instantly appear to put the balls back up on the table. Only after all the red balls are gone can the player then pot each of the other colors, in a specified order, to clear the table.

A player’s “trip to the table” continues until he misses a shot or doesn’t see a way to take a shot to pot a ball. A truly skilled player, when left with no good possibility for a potting shot, can carefully leave the cue ball in a bad spot on the table,  so his opponent is also left without a good shot. That’s called shooting a “safety”, but it’s tricky and dangerous to do, according to the commentators. However, if done properly, that can — in a way I still don’t quite follow and therefore can’t quite explain — lead to the opponent being “snookered”.

But of course – that expression “being snookered” had to come from somewhere, right? Although the online dictionary says the origin of the expression is actually unknown.

Anyway, smaller tournaments play best of 7 (frame) games. In the World Championship competition that is currently underway, the rounds range from best of 19 frames in the early rounds to best of 35 frames for the final. That means the a single game can go on for two days. Crazy.

During a game, the score is announced both for the total points accumulated by a player in the frame, and also for the player’s current “trip to the table” score. That last bit is important, because it’s a sign of a real pro if they can get 100 points in a single “trip to the table”: it’s called a century break. A true champion is one who has, over the years, achieved 100 or more centuries.  Chris and I have now watched enough of these games to be right there “with the knowledgeable crowd who recognizes the potential for a century” in the frame. Oh yes, we’re experts on snooker now.

The one thing I still can’t explain, though, is why snooker players wear vests. The pocket in it does seem to be the place of choice for stashing the chalk bit with which to top off the cue stick before each shot, so maybe that’s the reason. But they seem so dressed up, it makes for an unusual sporting match, IMHO.

OK, I think you’re now ready to watch the World Championship, which goes through May 7th.

Or, at the very least you’re ready to understand part of the refrain to the 1986 pop song, Snooker Loopy, which reached #6 on the UK pop charts:

Pot the reds, then screw back,
for the yellow, green, brown,
blue, pink and black.
Snooker loopy, nuts are we,
we’re all snooker loopy.

Snooker loopy, nuts are we,
me and him and them and me,
We’ll show you what we can do
with a load of balls and a snooker cue.

Warning: while that song is definitely very silly, the refrain will stick in your head if you’re not careful. Listen at your own risk. 😉