In my German course we occasionally learn random bits about German culture that are different from customs and traditions in our home countries. That’s in addition to all that vocabulary I’m always trying to memorize that we’re learning every day in class, of course.

Anyway, one cultural difference we’ve run across is how you respond to an offer for “seconds” when you’re eating at another person’s house. Now, in North America, and also in Azerbaijan, Brazil, Columbia, Kosovo, Japan, Russia and Spain — all countries represented by people in my class that day — the following script would apply if you’ve been invited to someone’s home for dinner:

Host/cook to the guest: “Would you like another serving of X?”

Guest: “Oh, no thank you, it was delicious, but I couldn’t possibly eat any more.”

Host/cook to the guest: “No, really, please, go ahead and have some more. There’s plenty. Maybe just a little?”

Guest: “OK, yes, it was delicious, maybe just a little more.”

In other words, in all those other countries, it would be polite first to refuse the second helping when it is first offered. But, refusing it doesn’t mean you don’t really want anymore. It just means you’re being polite, and you’re waiting to be encouraged to have more before actually accepting it.

But that’s not how it works in Germany. Make a note. If you follow that script as a dinner guest in Germany, you will go hungry.  Here, “No, thanks” means “No, thanks, I’m definitely not eating anything else tonight.” So, the host assumes that they are being polite by not bringing the matter up again. You will not be offered more food once you have refused “more” — the assumption is that if you said “No”, you really meant it.

There are books written about this particular culture difference, apparently.

OK, well, if not whole books, then articles. We read an article  that was an interview with some non-Germans who had moved to Germany, all of whom wound up not getting enough to eat at dinner at German friends’ houses after they turned down second helpings at dinner, even though they had all taken small helpings the first time around (the usual precursor to the behavior in the script above). So, they all really wanted second helpings, but that chance never presented itself again.

Key point to remember from today’s post: there are no second chances here for second helpings in Germany.  So, always remember just to say “Yes”.  You really can’t say “No” … unless you want to go hungry. 😉

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No photo today to go with this post, but at least there is an obvious Broadway show tune to offer. Here’s a clip from the movie version of Oklahoma!. The character singing the song wouldn’t have another problems here in Germany when it comes to getting invited to dinner…